I recently finished Maybe You Should Talk To Someone by Lori Gottlieb, and it has become one of my new favorite books. Heartfelt, hilarious, and heartbreaking, the book has imparted me with many new learnings and insights. Below, I’ve decided to share (in no particular order) some of my favorite psychological concepts and quotes.
Enjoy, and let me know in the comments below if anything resonates with you.
Psychological Concepts
The power of a soothing voice:
“Neuroscientists discovered that humans have brain cells called mirror neurons that cause them to mimic others, and when ppl are in a heightened state of emotion, a soothing voice can calm their nervous systems” (p. 55)
The 4 existential concerns of life:
In 1980, existential psychiatrist Irvin Yalom published his influential book, Existential Psychotherapy, in which he detailed the four “ultimate concerns of life” — death, freedom, isolation, and meaningless. Much of human behavior revolves around avoiding these four concerns.
The 8 stages of psychosocial development:
According to developmental psychologist Erik Erikson, we all go through eight stages of psychosocial development, where each stage presents a crisis that needs to be resolved to progress to the next stage. The eight stages are:
infant — trust vs mistrust
toddler — autonomy vs shame
preschooler — initiative vs guilt
school-age child — industry vs inferiority
adolescent — identity vs confusion
young adult — intimacy vs isolation
middle-aged adult — generativity vs stagnation
older adult — integrity vs despair
(p. 297)
Compassion that does more harm than good:
Idiot compassion: “you avoid rocking the boat to spare people’s feelings, even though the boat needs rocking and your compassion ends up being more harmful than honesty.” (p. 51)
The surprising origin of the 5 stages of grief:
“the 5 stages of grieving — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance — were [actually] conceived in the context of terminally ill patients learning to accept their own deaths.” (p. 343)
Thought-Provoking Quotes
A poetic definition of creativity:
creativity = “the ability to grasp the essence of one thing and the essence of some very different thing and smash them together to create some entirely new thing.” (p. 58)
The dynamic between one’s burdens and desires:
“the late reporter Alex Tizon believed that every person has an epic story that resides somewhere in the tangle of [their] burden and [their] desire.” (p. 121)
The biting bitterness of truth:
“the truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.”
— Flannery O’Connor
The power of choice:
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.”
— Viktor Frankl
The inevitability of change:
“The nature of life is change and the nature of people is to resist change.” (p. 369)
And last but not least, an elegiac reflection on the nature of relationships:
“Relationships in life don’t really end, even if you never see the person again. Every person you’ve been close to lives on somewhere inside you. Your past lovers, your parents, your friends — all of them evoke memories, conscious or not. Often they inform how you relate to yourself and others. Sometimes you have conversations with them in your head; sometimes they speak to you in your sleep.” (p. 410)
Bonus
Lori also shared this piece by Emily Perl Kingsley, “Welcome to Holland”. It’s short and sweet, and I’d recommend reading it if you have an extra minute.
Thank you Lori Gottlieb for a wonderful book, and here’s to hoping everyone enjoys the wonderful things about the “Holland” they’re in.
All quotes belong to Lori.
